


whats in dante's pants?

by RelienaRed



Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: Crack, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2020-01-01 08:24:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18332288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RelienaRed/pseuds/RelienaRed
Summary: Ever wonder what that bulge is?





	whats in dante's pants?

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a Twitter exchange I had with gory_goth and DevilsNev3rCry6
> 
> Spoilers for Devil May Cry 5

Annoyed, Trish stepped out of the van. She folded her arms and leaned against it. She could see Nico's feet sticking out from underneath the side.

“Waters’ out,” she said. She flicked a few pieces of dirt out from under her nails.

“Your vans’ a piece of shit,” Dante joked, lightly kicking Nico's foot.

“Fuck you Dante,” she muttered. She kicked him back, harder.

“Fuck me yourself, coward,”  Dante repiled. Nico said nothing but there was the sound of clanking as she started working faster. A good tell that her face was red.

“What are we suppose to drink?” Trish threw her hands up in mock defeat.

“Here,” Dante laughed and a smartass smile played across his face.  To Trish's shock, he unzipped his pants and pulled out, of alll things, a fucking Four Loco. “Drink this,” he placed the full can in Trish's hand.

“What, why do you have this  _ in your pants?” _ the blonde exclaimed.  From under the van Nico made a puzzled noise and stopped working.

Dante shrugged, like it was a perfectly normal thing to carry around in your pants.

The door to the van opened again and Nero stepped out. He wasn't paying attention to Trish or Dante. He had an old, rusted tool in his hand, he dropped it and kicked it under the van for Nico. She thanked him but didn't go back to working. The only part of the conversation she had heard was something about something being in Dante's pants.

Trish looked the can over, still wondering why in the hell Dante even had it. She decided the best course of action was to chuck the can at Nero's head while yelling:

“Have some of your uncle's weird crotch beer.”

Dante exploded into laughter as the can smacked Nero in the back of the head. It bounced off and landed by Nico's feet.

“His  _ what?” _ Nero exclaimed. Dante was laughing so hard that he couldn't talk. He was bent over, holding his stomach and gasping for air.

“I have no idea,” Trish opened the door and walked back into the van.

“What is wrong with you?” Nero questioned. Dante wiped the tears out of his eyes, opened his mouth to speak and was consumed by laughter again. Nico huffed. She slide out from under the van, grease stains on her face.

“I'll drink the goddamn thing,” she popped the top on the can and was about to chug the entire thing. Nero grabbed the can and lowered it away from her face.

“I'm pretty sure that was in Dante's pants,” it was said with urgency. Almost as if he was stopping Nico from drinking poison.

Nico considered this for second. Her smile faded a bit and she narrowed her eyes.

“Hell it ain't the worst thing I've drank,” Nico shoved Nero's hand aside and chugged a fourth of the can.

Nero hung his head in defeat and mild disappointment.  Dante was a tad impressed by how fast Nico drank. She was either dying of thirst or just liked Four Loco.

“I thought you said this was in his pants? Whys’ it still cold?” Nico asked.  She set the can back down and slid under the van. “Don't none of you take that, I intend to finish it.” she went back to clinging things under the van.

Nero rubbed his temples and sighed. “I don't even know you anymore,” he didn't wait for Nico to respond. He joined the others in the van and tried to forget what he had just saw

Once the door clicked closed, Nico slid back out.

“What'd his face look like?” she asked Dante with a wide grin.

“Priceless, worth freezing my dick off,” he returned her smile and the two fist bumped.

“He is just too fun to mess with,” Nico took another chug from the can and handed it back to Dante. “You think of any other ways to screw with him you lemme know. I'm gonna go turn the water back on.”

Dante waved her on before laughing to himself.

He was going to be laughing about this one for a while.


End file.
